Apparently, psychologists have found that - as a rule - one-way love is more common than two-way love. One-way love - or the so-called "unrequited" love - has proved to be one of the great themes of literature and drama. Below are four examples.
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo
White Nights by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
I must admit that The Great Gatsby is one of my favourite novels, so much so that I visited the author's house at Great Neck, Long Island when I was in New York some short time ago. See my pic below.
It seems to me that there are two sides to unrequited love. These are the would-be lover and the rejecter. Research suggests that the rejecter often suffers just as much as the rejected. Literature and film usually tell the story from the viewpoint of the rejected lover. However, it seems to me that both rejecters and would-be lovers can end up feeling like victims. The rejecter might feel guilty and doesn't know how to say 'No' without hurting the pursuer. So the rejecters most common behaviour is to lie low, continue to be nice, and wait, hoping the infatuation will fade. However, this may develop into a conspiracy of silence, where one person doesn't want to openly speak rejecting words and the other doesn't want to hear them. However, available evidence suggests that, despite the eventual heartbreak that is the destiny of the unrequited lover, there is often more unhappiness on the part of the person pursued than on the pursuer.
Let's face it, the aspiring lover has many guidelines for pursuit - what to say, how to let them know you like them - and why to keep going despite an initial cold reaction. There must be a thousand films in which the girl, initially, rejects the hero. The hero persists and wins her in the end. So the would-be lovers just keep trying, like in all those movies.
Things are not so clear for those who are trying to put off unwanted advances. While the pursuer has a variety of tactics to choose from, the pursued might not know what to say, how to behave, how to avoid hurting the pursuer.
So, does unrequited love have any positives? Well... maybe. The unique attribute of unrequited love is that it remains perfect. As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending and its potential is endless. Unrequited love can be painful, but it can also be an inspiring creative force — perhaps the most powerful muse there is. After all, it is not only books that are inspired by lost love. Some of the best songs of all time were written because someone was unhappily infatuated. Here are four of them.
Etta James - I'd rather go blind.
Lenny Kravitz - I'll be Waiting.
The Smiths - What Difference does it Make?
R.E.M. - Losing My Religion.
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