Glancing through my blog, I get the impression that two themes stand out, these are: the pursuit of happiness and the influence that memory can have on our writing. For example, a previous blog on happiness can be found at https://www.thoughtsandwords.eu/blog/2018/12/chasing-happiness.html
This piece picks up on the theme of happiness and asks if we really experience happiness or simply remember it.
Around 25 years ago, I climbed Mont Blanc. I often reflect on the two days needed to climb it, and I think: That was a lot of fun. I had a challenge and I was really happy. When I got to the top, I was ecstatic. But if I think carefully, I realise how uncomfortable it was sleeping in an overcrowded hut, how anxious I felt at 3.30 the next morning strapping on my crampons to climb the final 1000 metres. As for my legs, they felt like rubber as we approached the summit, and my head was aching and I thought I might throw up. Was it really happiness I felt on arrival on the summit?
It seems to me that, often but certainly not always, we do not experience happiness as it happens. Happiness is a feeling we think we remember. An experience like climbing Mont Blanc or a holiday in Spain does not in itself make us happy but when we get home and memory gets to work on these experiences, it changes them, removes the unpleasant bits so that what remains is a cut-and-paste job and bears only a superficial resemblance to what really happened and what was felt. Memories of childhood can sometimes be just like this.
I am not saying that we are doing anything wrong here. I am suggesting that enjoying ourselves in the here and now is far harder than it sounds. Certainly, belly laughter and twinkling eyes do not mean we are happy. It seems to me that having a wonderful time in the present requires considerable effort. People who meditate regularly (not me) know that focusing on the present can improve the ability to live in, and enjoy, the moment. Joy can also be had in contemplating the future, but balance is the key. Focusing too much on the future can compromise our ability to enjoy the life we actually live.
Of course, the pursuit of happiness is a great theme for a novel. For example: Happiness by Will Ferguson, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy and Madame Bovary by Gustav Flaubert.
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