Most parents love their children. I say "most" because I am sure we all know that parents can also hurt and disturb their children. Nonetheless, for most adults, losing parents hurts. And when they are gone, you become an adult orphan and this is something few people can imagine until it actually happens. And when it happens, how we handle it can make a big difference to what happens next.
Writers can use the death of a parent as part of characterisation, especially if the character in question is a child. Apparently, prisoners in the US are 2-3 times more likely to have lost parents in childhood than those in the "free world." However, it is also interesting for the writer to note that the death of parents can also be a spur. This spur can come from a feeling of being "on your own now," that you have to persist because there is nobody to run to when things go wrong.
Nobody is saying that you have to lose your parents in order to be successful, but many US presidents, including Clinton and Obama, lost their parents when they were young. Equally, nearly 70% of British prime ministers between 1800 and 1945 lost a parent before they were 16. The same is true for many poets and scientists.
But this is a touchy topic. How many of us would dare attribute their success in life to having lost a parent at whatever age? After all, we are so often reminded that parental love, appreciation and support are advantageous to us. But it may also be true to say that children with missing parents develop more determination and, perhaps, fearlessness. Why fearlessness? Perhaps because losing parents means letting go of ourselves as children. We mourn our parents but we also mourn our selves because we have become something else entirely - adult orphans.
What does being an adult orphan mean? Perhaps, it means that, at last, we leave our young selves behind and can now claim to be an adult. Being an adult means, among other things, accepting ones own mortality. And with this acceptance comes the realisation that every day is a gift, that life is vulnerable and that we had better do something with it while we have it. Perhaps it is this feeling that drives so many orphans of all ages do so well.
Parents (dead or alive) often form the backbone of novels and plays. The search for lost fathers includes the play, Hamlet, of course, but King Lear is a wonderful story about how not to be a father. Not my Father's Son by Alan Cumming is a grim tale of a the legacy of living with a violent father.
The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte revolves around the mystery of a reclusive, young widow who moves into the area with her young son. Love you forever by Robert Munsch concerns a lullaby that a mother sings to her son throughout his life. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett is a wonderful book about the death of mothers and, with regard to the bereaved children, the subsequent healing process.
Enjoy!
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